Get Fat at the Fair

The Wisconsin State Fair begins this Thursday. Time to loosen your belt several notches!  

• Arrive hungry. Everything tastes better then.
• Avoid drinking water. Instead, have a beer. Heck, have a whole pitcher of beer, even if you’re drinking alone.
• Caffeinated beverages tend to dehydrate you, so guzzle them to help rid your body of “water weight.”
• Rent a motorized scooter to keep from wasting precious energy while waddling from one food booth to another.
• Avoid the swine barn, which might remind you of the last time you looked in the mirror.
• Don’t waste your appetite on low-fat meats like ostrich and bison. Ecch! Ptooey!
• Stay away from fresh fruits, flavored milk, and anything else available at the grocery store.
• Get more bang from your buck with delights like chocolate-covered bacon on a stick, which provides protein, fat, dessert, and fiber (if you chew clear through the stick).