(Sullivan, Wis.) Wisconsin is now losing about three minutes of sunlight per day, and most state meteorologists point to Illinois as the culprit.
Officials at the National Weather Service’s local office noted that while Wisconsin’s daylight grows shorter, the length of days in Illinois has increased.
“They’re not even trying to hide it,” noted one official, who asked to remain anonymous because of death threats from the Chicago mob. “Some evenings in Cicero, the sun doesn’t set until 10:30 p.m.”
Although local officials have appealed for federal intervention, little help is expected, with most federal officials currently investigating the annual theft of warm winter weather by the Caribbean islands.
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